I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
vagina is talking i cant
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
