My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
