Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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