I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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