My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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