You just made me feel so damn special
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
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promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
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I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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