i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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