and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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