we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
