they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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