the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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