3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
