what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Sober January is a disaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize