I didn't shave. On purpose
Its about making memories worth repressing
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
