I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
