I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Everything about him screamed your future.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
