The maid of honor just puked.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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