Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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