I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
