I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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