just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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