I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
