I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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