My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
