As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
