I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
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It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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