dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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