I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
