Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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