If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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