he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
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