Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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