Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
