It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
