She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
