then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
