GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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