Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
