'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
