I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize