i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
