id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
