there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
