you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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