OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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