Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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