Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
