i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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