Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
