We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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