When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize