How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
