In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
