just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
