quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
