I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
