Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
