Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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