You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
