She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
