Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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