so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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