How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
