my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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