Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
