Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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