i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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