Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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