How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
