we're chasing vodka with high fives
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
either way he was missing a nipple.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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