How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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