Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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