You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
