I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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