hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
